Your Attitude Determines Others’ Attitude Towards You

If you ever asked yourself why others behaved rude or unpleasant with you at a given moment, there is a simple answer: your own attitude determined their behavior. I see this every day, when I watch my son (one year and five months old) playing with other children. If one of them is shy, then my son will dominate and rule their interaction. If there is one of them bold (usually being older than my son), then my son will be more cautious and less rude with him.

There are studies which show that depressed, anxious children are more likely to be bullied. This prove the idea that your attitude, behavior determine others’ attitude and behavior towards you.

Each of us is a good psychologist when it comes to read others’ attitude and inner & outer power. Even a little boy can see if a peer is stronger than him or not. But not each of us is a good psychologist when it comes to implement and practice a certain attitude or behavior. You may notice and even be conscious what kind of attitude do you need in order to obtain something from others, but you may have problems to implement it in your daily life.

There is a simple and efficient solution. It is called “as if” attitude. This means that you can behave in a certain way, even if in reality (daily) you don’t behave so. If you think that a certain attitude or behavior may have good results for you, it is a good choice to try this in your daily life, in the form of “as if” attitude.

The philosophy of “as if” is especially pertinent for constructivist psychotherapy. Rather than seeing people’s personalities as hard-wired in some kind of essential way, personal construct therapists employing fixed-role therapy encourage an “as if” approach. For example, a client who identifies as “shy” might be asked to act out the role of a “gregarious” person for a few weeks; that is, the client lives “as if” he or she was more outgoing in order to see what ensues. By acting “as if” he or she is more outgoing, the client experiments with new ways of behaving and anticipating life, which often leads to positive therapeutic change. While the logic of ‘as if’ has been mostly applied in the realm of psychotherapy, it can easily be generalized to just about any area of human inquiry, making it a key concept in personal construct psychology specifically and constructivism more generally.

Philosophy of “as if”

“As if” attitude cause two results: one is that practicing an external attitude for an enough long time, it may become an inner and authentic attitude; other one is that you can consciously and voluntarily determine others’ behavior towards you.