Personal Growth Tips

All human beings want to be happy. Even in the moments of doubt, when we think that happiness can’t be reached, we don’t quit its pursuit. We all agree that happiness is something we crave for, but we disagree when we try to establish the path(s) to it.

It’s easier for us to say what makes someone unhappy (illness, the death of significant others, the lost of our fortune, the lack of meaning(s) in life, etc.). However, what makes someone happy: a harmonious family, love, fortune, health? If somebody enjoys all these things, can we say for sure that that person is happy?

There are many different ways to finding happiness, here I write about three main human approaches:

1. Achieving happiness through Possessions

We think that acquiring more and more goods we’ll be happier and happier. However, things don’t happen so. The studies show that money doesn’t buy us happiness. Money make a significant difference when they bring us a house, food, a car, but will make a little difference when they buy us a new and bigger house, more and more food, a new and expensive car.

Achieving happiness solely through possessions fail because:

• we get used to new things rapidly and so get bored and even unhappy, yet we have the things we wished;
• acquiring more and more goods means more and more time and effort to make money, so less and less time and energy for recreation, relationships, travels, etc.;
• we always compare our possessions with others’, who usually have more than us, and so we feel unhappy because we see what we don’t have but not what we have;

2. Achieving happiness through Experiences

I must agree that this approach is far more appropriate than first one. Some say that experiences bring us more happiness than our material possessions because they always bring us something very different. Each experience being unique, they can’t be repeated.

I remember here an example that contradicts these things - The Osbournes. They have plenty of new and different experiences (from traveling worldwide to experimenting every new, bizarre and possible human experience) but they always seem to be bored and even unhappy. Why are they so? Why are they so bored even they have plenty of possessions and experiences?

A possible explanation is that even if experiences (places where we travel, new activities, etc.) are always new, they have something that is repeating too (forms, colors, patterns, emotions they trigger, etc.). Therefore, we get used and bored to new experiences as to new possessions. Then we wish more and more new experiences and more and more intensity to make a difference. Nevertheless, as humans we have a limited palette of experiences - earthly experiences, and the intensity of our experiences can’t be raised unlimited, because our human nature can’t bear very high levels of emotional intensity.

3. Achieving happiness through Personal Growth

I think the first approach fail because it seeks happiness in the outside world. The second is more appropriate but encounter problems because of oscillations between outside world and inner world. The third approach I find to be the most appropriate. It means more than seeking happiness in ourselves, it means reaching happiness through ourselves. To reach happiness, we have to develop, grow and build ourselves. In this process of personal development and growth, occurs a very interesting thing: happiness begins to develop and grow in ourselves without focusing on it. Therefore, it becomes a built-in element.

The idea isn’t to search happiness in ourselves but to build it in ourselves. This thing is done not directly (by pursuing it) but indirectly through the process of personal growth. Because of this process, our personality will have happiness built-in.

The new possessions or the new experiences can’t bring us happiness if we remain the same. They can bring us more happiness if we first positively changed ourselves (attitudes, beliefs, values, thoughts, behavior).

Which way do you think is the optimal approach for finding happiness?

The biggest achievement

In our daily interactions (sometimes fights) with the nature, we developed many and complex tools, in order to survive and grow. These tools brought some main things/improvements in our life: comfort, efficiency and productivity. Due to technology we have comfortable homes, comfortable cars and more and more gadgets that make our life a pleasant journey on the earth. Due to technology we became the most efficient and productive living beings on the earth.

The biggest challenge

Technology gives us many useful tools, but they aren’t good or bad in it selves, we may use them for good purposes or for bad ones. They are just useful for one or another kind of purposes. Technology is a tool and we decide how to use it. Sometimes we use it properly, but sometimes we use it at our loss.

Ecology is the first concern when it comes to talk about technology. I talk here about two dimensions of ecology: outer ecology and inner ecology.

It is well known that technology brought us not only comfort, efficiency and productivity, but also a lot of environmental problems.

My concern here isn’t for the outer environment, but for the inner one. A properly use of technological tools enhance and develop our inner world. But a misuse of these tools may lead to severe damages for our biological and psychological wellness.

Let’s take a case - young people and use of media technology. Many studies and reports show that more and more adolescents have sleep problems due to misuse (overuse) of media technology (TV, computers, cell phones, etc.). And the chances to have such problems increase if you have these media technologies in your bedroom.

Tip: Don’t let media technologies rule your life, use it with moderation and be aware of technology addiction (TV addiction, computer addiction, etc.). Technology gives us efficiency & productivity, but at the same time overuse of media technologies may ruin our health, cheerfulness & joviality, and most probably our relationships.

Why we need Self-Discipline?

I think that we human beings, among all living beings, are the most vulnerable with regards to balance & moderation. Mostly, we are the beings of extremes. In almost all our activities we tend to go to extremes. Each of these activities can be placed on a scale with three main levels (two extremes and a middle point):

Don’t doing it - Doing it with moderation & balance - Overdoing it

Some activities are more suitable for extremes. For example - smocking - it is the best for us if we fall in the first extreme “doesn’t doing it”.

For the most of our activities the best level is “doing it with moderation & balance”. Use of media technologies fall in this category.

Hints:

• Analyze your level of using media technologies (are you doing this with moderation & balance or at extremes?);
• If you fall in one of the extremes, consider revising it;
• Establish rules & limits and stick to them;

Ups and downs or alternating periods of good and bad fortune is the very nature of life, but it isn’t natural to be stuck on a downward path. When you find yourself on such a path or think your life is a mess, be aware you aren’t a victim of the fate or fatal circumstances. You are either the saboteur or the artisan of your life.

First thing you have to do to get out of such a hopeless situation is to evaluate your situation comparing it either with a past happy period of your life or a future wanted one. Then notice the differences between these two or three situations.

The second step is to find out the causes that led to this downward momentum. What do you think you thought and did on the path to the present situation? Many authors recommend not focusing on causes, because this explanatory approach prevents you from finding solutions. But I think it can be constructive (if you do this with moderation) because you can identify what you thought and did wrong and then think and do exactly the opposites.

The third step is to put your mind at work on finding solutions, sort them, eliminate those that proved unproductive in the past and focus on those you want to implement.

At this stage a good solution is to find your sources for meaning in life. The first source of meaning you have to consider are people and your relationships with some of them. I refer here to family members and friends. The second source of meaning to analyze is creativity. Use your imagination and creativity to get rid of your bad momentum. Find and involve in activities that solicit your creativity. Creative activities keep away apathy and boredom. The third source to take into account is involvement in your personal growth. This means you can take an active and systematic approach on your personal development and this leads you, in the long run, to great satisfactions. The fourth source of meaning is nature and your relationship with it. We humans aren’t only social beings but “natural” beings as well, this means we have a deep need for natural environment. Spiritual and religious activities are another possible source of meaning for you. Finally, the sixth source of meaning that you can consider are social causes. Besides relationships with others and socialization you can find a source of joy in helping others or fighting for a social cause.

The fourth step to get out of a bad situation is taking action. Here I propose you two tasks:

1. Take Care of Your Unconscious Subsystems First

First thing first take care of your body physiology. Our moods, either negative or positive ones, are fueled by our body physiological and chemical processes. The good news is that the bad physiological and chemical processes that fuel our bad moods can be changed into positive ones through exercises: jogging and bodybuilding for example.

Emotions and motivation are very tight connected, so be aware that we living beings are unconsciously driven towards pleasure and away from pain.

Analyze your beliefs and presuppositions about life. There are three categories of beliefs and presuppositions: negative, useless and positive ones. Identify then let go the negative and useless beliefs and replace them with constructive ones. Be conscious that you may have views and paradigms about life that can undermine a happy life. Your values are also critical for your life.

2. Take Charge of Your “Conscious” Subsystems

Watch your inner voice. Whatever you are doing, your mind is continuously verbalizing either what you are doing in the present or anything else from the past or a possible future. The best option is to focalize your inner voice on what you are doing right now (it also increase your productivity) and stop or let go any useless thoughts.

Develop and strengthen your will. Become action-oriented rather than knowledge-oriented. Knowledge is not wisdom - knowledge is theory (know how to do something), wisdom is practice (doing that something).

Be aware that meaning and fulfillment come primarily from the process (activities, action) rather than from results. The results just amplify the joy caused and kept by the process. The journey and not the destination is the main cause of your joy.

It is hard to draw a line between conscious and unconscious processes of your body-mind system, so it is just a relative and methodological distinction.

Resources: Life Sucks, Then You Die.

Knowledge is Not Wisdom - Knowledge is theory (know how to do something), wisdom is practice (doing that something). How many times you find yourself in this situation: you now how to do something good for you and others, but you don’t do it. Let’s give an example: you know that exercising daily is more than good for your body and mind, even for your relationship, but you find yourself often not doing it.

Happiness doesn’t Equal cash, sex, power, glory … - you can have these all and be unhappy at the same time. You can have these all and still feel empty inside.

The Highest Purpose: Service to Others - There’s no higher purpose than this one. I think this statement might be the answer to all strivings for the meaning in life.

Slow Down. You might taste something!

Listen to Your Own Intuition!

Get rid of all Useless/Negative Thoughts - learn to throw out every thought you don’t need. The useless and negative thoughts not only are bad in themselves but they prevent useful and positive thoughts to manifest and weaken your focus on your goals.

Be fully Aware about What is Going On With You and Around You Right Now - clear your mind of past and future thoughts and concentrate on what you are doing right now. This is the key for excellence and performance in any domain. It applies successfully to any goal you have to achieve. Focus only and only on the task you have to do right now in order to achieve your goal and you will succeed. But for this we have to be devoted 100% to the experience we are having.

You Make a Decision Every Moment - be conscious about your choices, be aware of the options you have at a given moment, because from that moment on your life can take very different tracks. And once you chose an option you exclude others, so be careful! Your repeated choices will become your habits.

There are No Ordinary Moments, because always something happens - we miss a lot of beautiful things that happen around us just because we think nothing happen, but there are going on a lot of things if we are able to see them.

Be Aware of Attachments and Addictions - there are two approaches to escape these two weaknesses: one way is to fight them the other is to just let them go. Use both.

Everything have a purpose, find it or create it - the first and most common way to find your meaning in life is to seek and discover it. This way presuppose that purpose or meaning is somewhere there (someone put it there or it grew there by itself) and all we have to do is to discover it. The second way is more uncommon and imply that out there, in reality, is no purpose or meaning at all and what we have to do is to create it and follow it.

Meditate to Find Answers and Peacefulness - stillness and silence are the best ways to find what you are seeking for.

Most people Don’t Live at all - busyness doesn’t equal living.

Assume your imperfection, vulnerability and defeats!

There is only Doing, no starting or stopping! - our life is like a fluid flow with its own drive and energy or engine, all we have to do is to choose the best track at any given cross-road.

The Trickiest Trap: When I get what I want I’ll be happy! Even when you get what you want you still suffer because you can’t hold the moment forever and get bored soon. And boredom is suffering. Gold is an illusion and also it brings you the fear that you may lose it. Living in fear that you might fail.

You are Something Exceptional either way, even if you win or lose!

Mystery, Permanent Change and Humor - these are what life is all about!

The journey (process) is what gives you happiness, not the destination (results) - the destination is often just a pretext for a journey.

Control your Mind & Body; try not to control the external world, that which is beyond your control.

All we have is Present, all we are is this Moment, all we do is Here & Now - this is the only thing that matters!