Personal Growth Tips

Everyone is using words to express his thoughts and feelings and to interact. Soft or hard…meaningful or meaningless… words came out easily. People don’t have anymore the patience and disposition to pay attention to them and theirs effects on us. I even dare to say that today isn’t anymore any respect and interest for the word … words become an “invisible reality”… we use words as we breathe … automatically.

Very few of us seem to hold “the trick” on the powerful effect of words on ourselves or on others. Did you ever wonder how we pass over difficult situations or long-term activities from life? Why today we seem to have no energy and think pessimistically and tomorrow we found the necessary force to go on?

Our interior strengthens emerge from the fact that we “built” a support strategy using words having positive effects such as “I am strong”…“I can go on” …”I am capable”. This kind of structure is acting as an order on our unconscious mind. The result … without even knowing a new and needed energy and positive attitude invade us.

The mechanism is working “like a miracle”. Only by choosing the “right” words we have the power to keep us on going and avoiding the break-downs. But, we mustn’t skip the idea that these words have to be based on self-confidence and self-honesty. This means that it’s necessary to keep in our mind the real image on our capacities so we can avoid fooling ourselves.

Even if sometimes we aren’t aware of word’s effect on us, it appears that it works quietly on our mind. All we have to do is to become conscious of the words we chose to express and to make them work for our positive state of spirit and not against us. Keep in your mind that the “smallest” word can have special outcomes on your behavior. - Psychologist, Nicoleta Cramaruc

We can suppose what others can experience in crisis situations. Generally, we are “impressed” by the cognitive and affective reactions of those caught in such a limit situation…but we can’t understand them emphatically because we can’t fully feel their feelings and we can’t live what they are living. Not really knowing the plentiful experiences which overwhelm other in those moments we even become indifferent at a certain time.

So allow me to share with you a similar experience that I recently lived. The feeling of being trapped or the helplessness of not having the control on an event makes people react in different ways:

Panic – a reaction based on an instinctive fear which appears immediately and dominates us in the first moments of a crisis. Then when people calm down and start thinking on possible ways out, the panic diminishes until it disappear. That’s why it’s very important to know these details so you don’t give in to panic’s destructive influence.

Conscious fear – once you calm down and begin to analyze the situation’s gravity you start feeling a conscious fear. Some of us show and try to share it. Others hide the fear under a defying attitude. The last ones are permanently talking, making jokes and they are being very dynamic. Like this they keep their mind busy and away from the real problem which scares them.

Self-isolation – the less courageous or pessimist ones shut down any communication isolating them in a corner. They share nothing of theirs emotions being an easy prey of their own negative thoughts.

Spreading rumors - when panic still persist and the authorities responsible for solving the crisis situation don’t inform the people involved, these ones start spreading rumors. Even at the beginning some of these rumors are based on partial truthful information they become “fairy tales” once the time passes.

Lack of interest for others – being together with other persons in a crisis moment doesn’t necessary strength the communication and interrelation…maybe just for small inter-groups. In fact every one is concerned for his safety and is trying to save him first.

Blaming the authorities – generally people have the tendency to merciless blame any external element for their situation. Even if there are cases when the authorities are doing anything possible to help them it’s not enough when you are in a limit situation.

I believe that the secret to resist in a crisis situation is to know how to control your instinctive behavior so you can let your mind work to find out reasonable solutions. And always remember not to panic! An open and clear mind can “save” you! - Psychologist, Nicoleta Cramaruc

Since the world exists parents are raising their children according to certain family values transmitted from their own parents…the well-known process from generation to generation. These values are having a legacy status and because they are very resistant to change the present values are always compared to them.

Parents raise a child following an ”old pattern” being extremely difficult for them to preview and to accept the future’s values because of the major influence of the family values. By not being open they aren’t doing any favor to their child. The child will not be prepared to face and to adjust to the future.

It’s good to teach your children the family values especially today when values are less and less appreciated. Still the wonder persists…where does some of these values stop and become prejudices…?! The line between them is very subtle and it’s easy to go beyond it. So it’s necessary to draw a clear line so you as a parent or you as a child not to keep on living in a vicious circle.

The child who quietly accepts an education full of prejudices will easily passes to his kids the same family pattern, sentencing them to live in the past. When a child tries to make their parents understand the present values, their parents often consider this kind of attitude as disrespect and as an attempt to discredit them.

In fact each part, parent or child, is trying to defend their own values. Either parents or children become confused and disoriented if these beliefs, seen as a guide in life, disappear. It’s natural to feel a certain fear facing up the unknown (in parent’s case) and a need to find the values which define your own personality (in children’s case). But…it’s not normal to let some of the family’s values become prejudices.

So…parents think twice if your family’s values could be your own child’s values before you “force” him to accept them! And…children help your parents understand your values in a diplomatic way! Adjust your values to life’s changes and eliminate the prejudices! Prejudices only keep you from being yourself and from finding out who you are and what you can do in life. - Psychologist, Nicoleta Cramaruc

Me…you…him…I’m positive that every one of us is looking to have a successful life (personal or professionally speaking)…”something” which makes life worth living for and which gives us the feeling that life doesn’t pass by us in vain.

Day by day you put energy, knowledge, soul and perseverance in any action which can bring you closer to your goals. You have the strength not to fall into immediate goal’s benefits but to follow your special goals. It’s clear that you definitely know what you want from life in those cases.

A fine observer would remark above too many “you”… That’s a reality that every one is concentrating on him especially in our days. But…once you have accomplished your purpose you mustn’t forget that any success is meaningful only if you share it with people around you. Like this you allow to your close and known ones to live special moments next to you…!?

Have you ever asked yourself if sharing has “side effects” on you?! … such as negative energies and thoughts toward you; inevitable and unconscious envy; potential cold and superficial relationships or the natural human trait that, as close as you are to someone successful, you can’t control an unconscious and instinctive “incapacity” of fully enjoying his success…

Have you ever saw a change in your friends once you shared with them one of your successes?!…probably you have and you got confused because you couldn’t understand their behavior and couldn’t identify the real reasons of it. Sharing could also bring you obviously or hidden coldness between you and your friends.

So another life’s dilemma…you can’t stop from following your goal and having success or from sharing it because you’ll feel incomplete…that’s human nature…if no one knows about your success who will appreciate you…the success will be partial…

Like you I’m also wondering about the proper and less “damaging” approach of this situation. I think maybe we should try:

• to choose very carefully the moment, how and what we share from our success;
• to open ourselves only to real close and reliable persons;
• not to show a superior attitude based on our success;
• to also appreciate and valorize our friend’s success;
• to make known to our friends that theirs support helped us to succeed;
• to make the difference between friends and so-called friends so we can avoid them;
• to support our friends in theirs action;
• is preferable to interact, in this case, with friends having similar successes;
• to understand their reactions, not judge them and to make our success/goal as understood as we can;

Since we aren’t alone and we can’t live alone in this life and there is not even one “plus” without a “minus”, any success is worth sharing but cautiously. Make others enjoy your success so you can find the meaning of sharing success! - Psychologist, Nicoleta Cramaruc