Personal Growth Tips

“Smile is the most beautiful weapon of life. Smile to the one you love so he can open his soul to you; smile to the one you hate so he can’t feel the coldness inside your heart; smile to the one who offended you so he can’t feel it hurts you” … true and inspired words … but I wonder if you ever asked yourself what does it hides or reveals a smile?! … if there’s a difference between a laugh and a smile?! … why some people prefer to smile instead of laughing?!

“Smile is the most beautiful weapon … ”indeed … so there’s something “dangerous” about it…but in what way? We could say that laugh and smile are tight ”relatives”, but they act on different bases. The laugh is generally spontaneous which means that it’s less controlled and more sincere. A smile doesn’t appear on our face “by accident” because it’s more psychologically structured and rather hard to be analyzed…unless you are a fine observer to instantly make the difference between a fake and a genuine smile.

So if laughing it’s a soul’s state, smiling it’s a mind’s one … if laughing seems to be a direct and sometimes unpredicted manner to approach someone, smiling becomes a diplomatic way to interact.

Paying attention to various discussions between people or hearing part of theirs opinions, I remarked two aspects. On one hand, that many of us are more drawn to people who smile and we prefer their company. Further more, the same us seem to judge a non-smiling face as a negative and less appreciated expression … but how many of us asked ourselves even once if that non-smiling face isn’t more honest than a smiling one?!

On the other hand, we consider the smile an appropriate method “to communicate” with strangers because we tell ourselves that the other one will see this as a sign of openness while we are “snooping” inside his intimacy without “being caught”. Do you remember a situation when someone you hardly know smiled to you all the time and you told him personal things thinking “what a nice person”?!

Without sleeping into the pessimistic extreme, I usually am more precautious with persons who show me an instantly, easy and “free” smile … and even more if they are strangers … Back in time maybe I would’ve believe in a smile without finding a reason, but today you can’t be sure why someone is smiling to you!

It’s tested that the laugh/smile couple maintain us happy and healthy…idea also sustained by the phrase “a laugh a day keeps the doctor away”… but when we are permanently surrounded by all kind of people it’s “healthier” to be at least a little bit suspicious about a “smiling face”. Since not even the famous smile of Mona Lisa can be “trusted” we can’t suddenly have faith on someone’s smile…why?! … according to the professor Margaret Livingstone from Harvard University her smile becomes obvious only when you look at other parts of the painting and not straight to her face … Well, a smile is “mysteriously ambiguous” from a legendary one to a common one.

On my opinion a smiling face will pass the authenticity test when it will be able to offer me one laugh, especially if that person it’s a women. I’m not doing any discrimination, but the psychologist Julie Woodzicka discovered that women tend to fake smiles more than men do and are more aware of these smiles. Men, don’t jump to those conclusions you adore, because women smile more to appease an uncomfortable situations.

A smile to the right … a smile to the left … truth?! … disguise?! … women … men … So after all, what do you like better: a noisy laugh or an exquisite smile?! – Psychologist, Nicoleta Cramaruc

Mind still has unknown ways of reaction to the society’s external influences. A distinctive one is changing one’s mind defined as a releasing mechanism in our mental representations. Our minds are subdued to this phenomenon either because we are wishing for a change or because something happens in our life which is based on a change. The changes of one’s mind can be the result of a sudden decision or a gradual one, most of them developing in the subconscious area.

For every one of us becoming conscious of its “presence” this common process of our mental life generates a series of questions. First of all is what elements determine the change of one’s mind. Well, the answer is based on the so called “7 R” and on certain equilibrium resulted from the simultaneous action of the first 6 R and the “weakness” of the last one, the resistance.

• Reason – a rational individual will always try to identify all the relevant aspects of an event and to separate them into pros and cons;
• “Recruiting” – the person is gathering the significant information;
• Resonance – this part interferes when an individual feels that a “relationship” exists between him and someone who intends to provoke a change of one’s mind;
• Re-descriptions – a change of one’s mind act becomes convincing by the moment when it is presented in different ways;
• Resources and Rewards – the changing phenomenon can be launched faster when an individual detects considerable advantages for him;
• Reality – any event from the society which can affect a lot of people it works as a influent element;
• Resistance – if this process happens rather naturally and easier in our youth, it becomes more and more difficult in time because of our powerful convictions and our resistance to change;

The change of one’s mind implies two axes of action. The first one is represented by the effort involved in which can be direct in politician’s case or indirect for artists, philosophers and inventors. To be more specific…if a political leader needs to address directly to succeed in changing one’s mind, an artist, for example, influences people’s mental universe not by direct contact but by colors, sounds, lights, poems or body movements.

The second one, the audience composition, is referring to the homogeny or the inconsistency character of the listeners. What does it means this idea? When a person is talking to a large and various groups it has to use a simple “story” and to adjust his speech so every one could understand him. In the other case, as small and consistent groups, he can allow himself to make use even of an “elevated” language and even the privilege to transmit to the audience a complex message. Both cases requires for the speaker to have linguistic and interpersonal intelligence.

If someone hopes to change another person’s mind, it’s crucial to learn everything about her. So an individual concerned about logic, consistency, sincerity and verbal expressions has to be approached in a different manner than the one interested by emotions, respect, subtlety and nonverbal language.

The main idea of this topic is that we have to maintain ourselves open mind to external influences but in the same time to make an effort to learn more about our mind possibilities. A person who knows very well his own mind he/she has real chances to efficient change his own mind. – Psychologist, Nicoleta Cramaruc

Back in time, someone very close to my heart and with a great experience of life revealed me the secret of a “powerful” life. The success in life is definitely based on two ideas: first - having the right information at the right time, and second - being conscious about the word’s influence on others.

Human being of the third millennium has to be more careful with other one’s feelings and use words in good faith. Acting in good faith is a principle promoted by the international documents next to human rights and fundamental liberties.

Are you aware that your words could lift someone else’s state of spirit or break him down in a second? So word has a dual subtext as anything else in life:

Positive influence – words spoken from the heart have healing effects. A “good” word values sometimes more than hundreds of positive deeds. The most interesting part is when you see how your own words could improve almost miraculous your partner’s behavior. Psychologically speaking the positive “load” of one word is acting to the unconscious level of the mind, it fixes or ameliorate the problems detected, sending to the conscious the sign of a good sensation. It’s like getting an ok signal.

Negative influence – the same mechanism works other way too. Even if we know about having to avoid negative words interchanging, it’s difficult to do so when we daily interact and communicate with many many people. Unfortunately there are a lot of us which are “playing” with people’s minds by using words with destroying effects. And they are doing it for their own amusement or, even worse, pushed by “unorthodox” goals.

Guide your life according to the next three recommendations: be positive, act positively, use positive words! - Psychologist, Nicoleta Cramaruc

The Power of Word - Part One

Everyone is using words to express his thoughts and feelings and to interact. Soft or hard…meaningful or meaningless… words came out easily. People don’t have anymore the patience and disposition to pay attention to them and theirs effects on us. I even dare to say that today isn’t anymore any respect and interest for the word … words become an “invisible reality”… we use words as we breathe … automatically.

Very few of us seem to hold “the trick” on the powerful effect of words on ourselves or on others. Did you ever wonder how we pass over difficult situations or long-term activities from life? Why today we seem to have no energy and think pessimistically and tomorrow we found the necessary force to go on?

Our interior strengthens emerge from the fact that we “built” a support strategy using words having positive effects such as “I am strong”…“I can go on” …”I am capable”. This kind of structure is acting as an order on our unconscious mind. The result … without even knowing a new and needed energy and positive attitude invade us.

The mechanism is working “like a miracle”. Only by choosing the “right” words we have the power to keep us on going and avoiding the break-downs. But, we mustn’t skip the idea that these words have to be based on self-confidence and self-honesty. This means that it’s necessary to keep in our mind the real image on our capacities so we can avoid fooling ourselves.

Even if sometimes we aren’t aware of word’s effect on us, it appears that it works quietly on our mind. All we have to do is to become conscious of the words we chose to express and to make them work for our positive state of spirit and not against us. Keep in your mind that the “smallest” word can have special outcomes on your behavior. - Psychologist, Nicoleta Cramaruc