Personal Growth Tips

Daily we enter in more or less conversational situations, with acquaintances or unknown people, on street, at work or at parties. When we meet them, usually we greet each other then begin our conversation on a topic or subject that have attracted our attention, affected or interested us in the recent time.

During our daily conversations, occurs one of these two situations:

• the other is interested in the topic or subject we begin to talk about;
• the other isn’t interested in our subject;

In the first situation, the conversation begins and flows very easy, being constructive and motivating for each other, both/all parties having something to learn.

In the second situation, the conversation becomes, most of the time, a monolog. So one may talk with passion about a certain subject, while the other doesn’t listen, he only mimes listening (certainly he thinks at something else).

When one of participants of a conversation isn’t interested in the subject the other talks about, he either mimes listening until the other finishes his speech and energy or takes the initiative by introducing a conversational virus (a totally different subject). This may lead the conversation into a new direction or not.

The key of a constructive conversation, useful for both/all parties, is to find the common interests. When we know each other, the situation is simpler because we know what we have in common. However, when we begin to talk with an unknown person, the things are harder, the common interest may rise only by trial and error.

Conversational advices:

• try to be aware of the conversation flow and topics, subjects;
• don’t accept passively any subject the other begins to talk about, if you think it isn’t constructive or useful;
• change the course of conversation elegantly and imperceptibly (usually when you don’t know the other);
• when you know the other, you can let him know politely that the subject isn’t constructive and that you want to discuss something else;
• profit of constructive conversations, they give you the possibility to develop your latent ideas;

It seems that we may live without watching TV. I read an interesting article about a couple who decided to live without TV. They made this decision over 10 years ago and maintained it until this day.

Over 10 years ago, my wife and I decided to out TV from our lives. We are not television snobs, far from teetotalers, and believe that many aspects of life can be enjoyed in moderation. But television had become something of a negative for us, and we wondered what our lives would be like if we tried giving it up for a short period and then see what happened. We did, choosing the period of Lent in 1995, and that short period continues to this day.

Living Without Television

We use TV for two main reasons:

• information;
• entertainment;

Informational use of TV isn’t always a wise option. It isn’t an accurate source of information. Situation get worse if we rely only on this source of information without backing it up with other sources (newspapers, magazines, books, Internet, etc.). When so many watch TV so much, how can it be possible:

To take one example, consider some recent poll data. Forty-seven per cent of Americans believed that Saddam Hussein helped plan 9/11 and 44 per cent believed that the hijackers were Iraqi; 61 per cent thought that Saddam had been a serious threat to the U.S., and 76 per cent said the Iraqis are now better off. None of this is true, but it is understandable when so many in the electorate depend on television to be informed.

Using TV to entertain yourself seem to fail. Many people report that after they watch TV for a long time, they feel no more happier but more tired, and feel sorry that they have spent so much time watching TV.

Reasons to live without TV:

• become more productive;
• gain a lot of time for more constructive activities (reading, exercising, socializing, etc.);
• friends and family relationships become more close and gratifying;
• healthier eyes, the radiations that tube produce may hurt our eyes (if you don’t have plasma), distance must be at least 2,2 m;
• TV may be manipulative;

Alternatives:

• VCR;
• PC & Internet;
• Reading or even writing a book;
• Family evening games;
• Exercising;
• Developing hobbies;
• Cooking;

Walking through fog, we can see as much as we need to move on. We see what’s happen in our very close neighborhood, but not what’s happen on long distances.

The same thing occurs in our daily life. We are able to see and act clearly in the now (present moment), but we can’t change our past or predict very accurately our future.

… there is something else most of us dislike about fog: the lack of predictability. We like being able to see what is down the road in our lives. The future is not known but most of us think we would like to know what the next minute or the next day would bring. We believe that knowledge will give us a feeling of control. And we all like to think that we are in charge of life. It makes us think we are safe. … But control in our lives is truly a myth. There is no such thing. Oh, we can take precautions. We can make plans. We can be responsible … But no matter what we do, no matter how responsible we are and no matter how well we have planned we cannot see what is down the road. We truly live our lives in fog. … The good news is our inability to see the future gives us the opportunity to live in the now. The past is over. The future does not exist. All we have is now.

Like fog, life is full of unpredictability

Even if we live in a foggy life, we have power not only over our present moment, but over our past and future as well. Let’s take them chronologically:

• we can’t change our past, even so what affect us isn’t the past itself but how we perceive or interpret it; … do we learn from our past, do we watch what happened in our past so that that empower and not disempower us?!
• over the our present we have power through our big or small decisions, we may decide right now what to do or not to do, and this affect
• our future too, it is shaped by our present decisions, so we have power over our future through our present decisions;

But there is an essential distinction, we all have to be aware of, if we want to succeed: there are things/events over which we may have power/control and things/events over which we have no power at all. The key is to focus on those we may have power and exert this power at its full potential, and don’t strive on those which we have no power at all.

Remember that fear always lurks behind perfectionism. Confronting your fears and allowing yourself the right to be human can, paradoxically, make you a far happier and more productive person.

Dr. David M. Burns

Most of the time some of us are prisoners of this belief or unconscious reasoning: if we want to reach excellence in our life we have to be perfect, act perfectly and have perfect things. Perfectionism can be defined as a disposition to feel that anything less than perfect is unacceptable.

It’s true that without the effort to improve yourself and do things at your best, you can’t achieve excellence. Though, the true way to reach excellence isn’t acting perfectly, but accepting your human imperfections and using a free, relaxed and creative mind/thinking.

Many times our perfectionism hide fears, as fear of being worthless in our own eyes and the eyes of others, if we don’t do things perfectly. This is the case when our fears cause our perfectionism. But there are situations when our perfectionism determine our fears. This happen when we are afraid to begin a work that we think we can’t do perfectly. Or, we begin that activity but then give it up. There were a scene in a fiction book, where people were sleeping under bed by the fear not to damage the perfection of the bedroom.

So, let’s accept that we are imperfect, but trying to improve ourselves. Balance your life and don’t let the drive to be the best rule your entire life. Don’t play the tape “do things perfectly”, but “just do it now”.