The real cause we don’t achieve what we want isn’t that we aren’t capable. We are fully capable; all we need to achieve our dreams is within us. The true cause why we don’t live what we want is the fact that we don’t know for sure what we want. We don’t know what we truly want.
With other words we don’t have clear and well defined goals. But our goals aren’t anything else than the cognitive side of our desires or our should(s). What is a goal if not the projection of a fulfilled desire or duty?
So the big problem, at a deeper level, isn’t with our goals but with our desires. We don’t have clear and well defined desires. And in general we lack the genuine desires. We have so many desires but this is only quantity. We lack the quality when it comes to list all our desires.
This lack of quality and genuine desires happen because of two reasons:
- social conditioning and,
- low self-knowledge and self-awareness.
Usually we borrow our desires from others. We think if someone acquired a new thing, we must have that thing too. But in this way we don’t accomplish our own desires but alien desires. They aren’t genuine desires but artifacts.
Social conditioning happens because of our low self-knowledge and self-awareness. If we would be more conscious of what happens within ourselves and around us we may prevent the platitudinous social conformism and live our genuine values and desires.
So if we want to live authentically and succeed in our attempt, all we have to do is to find and use our genuine desires.
1. Discover your genuine desires
To discover your genuine desires you must explore all desires that come in your mind. Experiment a nonjudgmental brainstorming of your desires then makes a list with all desires that came in your mind. Watching this list pay attention to the true feelings you experience as you read each desire. Meditate to all these desires and notice which ones have a great appeal to you.
Another way to find your true desires is to ask yourself two essential questions:
What I like to have that I don’t have?
If I’ll have that how will that make me feel?
Ask these questions many times, even if have answers or not, until you become conscious about your heart desires.
After you discovered one or more (not all) of your genuine desires the process isn’t finished. Now that you know what you truly want you have to formulate them as goals.
2. Transpose your genuine desires into goals
Goals are the cognitive versions of your desires. If you want your desires become reality you have to transpose them into goals. When you set goals you have an aim and your energy and time will focalize towards it.
3. Use your genuine desires as the best motivators
Once you have your desires stated as goals all you need is the motivation to act consistently.
There are two sources for your motivation: the extrinsic motivation (when the drive comes from outside yourself) and the intrinsic motivation (when the urge comes from within yourself).
The most effective and lasting motivation is the intrinsic one and in this case it come from the very your genuine desires. Your true desires not only take the shape of goals but also the form of motives that urge you to achieve them.
Only genuine desires have the power to motivate you on the rough path of goal achievement.