In the process of achieving something worthwhile in life, every person has experienced at least one failure. Facing up a failure, the first sensation is if not overwhelming at least unpleasant. In our mind immediately appears the idea to give up, especially when the aspiration level was too higher than an average one. The “fall” is bigger in this case and so it’s more difficult to pull yourself together. From personal experience I know that when the disappointment is huge everything is worthless in those moments and it’s hard to see the good part.
Since it’s not psychologically recommended to remain under the failure’s pressure, can a failure be seen as a success?! Maybe some of you will be surprised by this idea, replying that a failure can’t bring us something good. Well, I recently found myself in the situation of denying the positive part of a failure … and I wasn’t right …. Failures come over us but the most important thing which can make a difference is how we react to the failure’s effects.
A few concepts more or less known and interiorized help us to proper react to a failure:
Attitude – I’ve read somewhere that attitude is much more important than aptitude, because if we adopt a defeated attitude we will be “crushed” no matter how smart and capable we are. Positive attitude always makes us to keep on going. It’s also making easy for us to consider the failure as a learning event, a step forward in reaching our goals.
Being realistic – To solve a certain problem it’s absolutely necessary to be realistic about it. This means to select only the objective information eliminating the unfunded assumptions. The condition to be realistic provides us the possibility to see very clear the level that we’ve reached. We become conscious that it’s no need to go back to the start but to continue our work from a higher level.
Acceptance – When something doesn’t come out as we expect we easily fall into the “if only” trap. It’s obvious we can’t change the past so it’s unproductive to keep on thinking like this. The persistence of these words keeps us from accepting the failure and from dealing with it. As hard as it seems the failure must be surpassed.
Expressing Emotion – We have to allow ourselves to get rid of the interior pressure and not to deny our normal feelings. So it’s ok to cry, to share an awful moment with a friend or to write about it.
Confidence – The idea is not to give up on us but to keep on having trust in our capacities.
If we follow these steps in confronting a failure we will have a different perspective on life’s ups and downs. I believe that we also need bad moments and breakdowns to discover and to prove to ourselves how strong we are. Everyone discovers his full potential when he reaches his point of failure. Remember that quitters never win and winners never quit! – Psychologist, Nicoleta Cramaruc